


Mid September

by StaticLantern



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 02:27:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2174646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StaticLantern/pseuds/StaticLantern
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short little drabble from Bucky's point of view, sort of, starting with the day he met Steve Rogers, and touching on important (to him) events over the course of 100 years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mid September

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr!
> 
> Http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/

It was mid September when he met this kid. This skin-and-bones little blond boy. This little kid who, despite not being able to lift himself out of bed some mornings, never backed down from a fight.

This kid who had a spitfire mouth and the personality of a firecracker. This kid who was shy as could be around most people but didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut around bullies.

It was mid September when James Barnes met this kid, and he knew then and there that he never wanted a day to go by where he didn’t have this boy in his life.

~~~

It was mid October the first time Steve Rogers decided Bucky fit him better than James did. He liked the changed. His parents used to call him James, so Bucky felt less harsh. When Steve called him Bucky, he felt like a new person, like he could start all over.

Bucky liked being this new person for Steve. He was still himself, but now he had Steve and sometimes he went over to Steve’s house, and his mother was just the sweetest lady he’d ever met. Sarah Rogers was an angel in Bucky’s eyes. 

It was mid October when Bucky saw Steve have his first asthma attack. He sobbed as Steve convulsed on the floor, his face turning red, horrible choking noises emitting from his throat. Sarah had rushed in, inhaler in hand, and pulled Steve into her lap, forcing the inhaler into her son’s mouth and squeezing the medicine into his lungs. She held Steve to her and rubbed his back as he slowly regained his breath.

It had scared Bucky Barnes nearly to death.

~~~

It didn’t take long for Bucky to realize he had feelings for Steve. They scared Bucky to death. Boys weren’t supposed to want to kiss other boys. He’d seen it once, a pair of guys that lived in his apartment building before his folks kicked it. He was walking home one day after school and stopped at the opening of any alleyway. 

The two guys were laying in puddles of their own blood in the alley, a handful of other guys kicking and stomping on them. Bucky felt sick watching it. 

Later, his mom told him the two guys didn’t live there anymore. He knew why, he didn’t have to ask. He just nodded and went back to his room to finish his homework. So years later when Bucky realized he wanted to kiss Steve, he locked himself in the basement of the orphanage and cried.

~~~

It was the middle of summer the first time Steve and Bucky went on a double date together. Bucky was with some sweet thing named Genny and Steve was with Genny’s friend, Lucy. Genny had blonde hair tied around her head pin-up style, and brilliant blue eyes and flawless pale skin. Lucy had beautiful red hair that she wore in loose corkscrew curls, and she wore dark red lipstick that matched.

Genny adored Bucky, just like all the other dames did. She trailed around him and watched him through big doe eyes. She follow his lead while they danced and she fawned over him when they talked. Lucy seemed bored out of her bind though, just like all the other dames Bucky set Steve up with. He didn’t blame them, he was nothing nice to look at. He didn’t kid himself.

Bucky tried real hard to find girls for Steve, he really did, but for some reason, none of them seemed to like Steve. Bucky could see how incredible Steve was, he didn’t understand why girls couldn’t. Just because Steve was a little skinny, he didn’t deserve a chance? Even if he had a swell time with his date, he always came back feeling irritable because Steve’s date had ignored him the whole time again.

Steve always tried to reassure Bucky, but he knew how disappointed Steve was.

~~~

It was mid Autumn when Steve and Bucky moved in together. Sarah had passed about a month earlier and Bucky had his own place by then. He invited Steve to live with him, and after a while of convincing, he finally said yes.

Bucky only had the one room, so they shared it. They had their own individual cots on either side of the room, and they shared a closet and a dresser. They shared a lot of things.

Living together worked well for them both. Steve was a morning person, so he rose before Bucky did and made breakfast, sometimes he even made coffee, then he would go wake Bucky and they’d eat together. Bucky would leave for work, and then Steve would too, if he had a job, or he’d hang back and clean the apartment, draw, walk around the city looking for work.

And they really did enjoy living together.

~~~

It was mid Winter when Steve started getting sick. They noticed quickly. The first cough Steve let out and they both exchanged a knowing look. Bucky started pinching pennies so he could put away a bit of money in case they needed to buy medicine for Steve. 

Bucky managed to find a spare blanket in a box of his folks things, and eventually, Bucky pushed his cot over against Steve’s and they slept pressed against each other, conserving body heat at night. Paying for heat was a luxury. Not paying for it meant they could afford more food, so they put it off for as long as possible, and with their combined body heat, they could put it off longer.

Of course, sleeping pressed together stirred the feelings Bucky had spent years pressing down. When they slept together, Bucky couldn’t help but think how badly he wanted to let his hands wander, how badly he wanted to pressed his lips to Steve’s skin, how badly he wanted to slip his fingers past the waistband of Steve’s pj pants.

He swallowed hard and pushed the feelings down again, just like he’d done for years.

~~~

It was mid February when Bucky joined the army. He didn’t get to see Steve much after that, but he figured it was for the best. He could suppress his feelings if he wasn’t around Steve. In boot camp, he didn’t have the time to dwell on his feelings for Steve, so they started to go away again.

Then he was released for short leave. It was one of the happiest days of his life. He hadn’t told Steve he was coming home, so when he walked through the door and Steve nearly fell to his knees, Bucky couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear. He caught Steve before he fell and they held each other for a long time

Neither would admit it, but they both teared up a bit. When the broke apart and wiped their eyes, they fell to the couch and chatted for a long time, well into the night. They fell asleep together on the couch, and when Bucky woke the next morning with his face pressed against Steve’s cheek, he knew he was in trouble.

~~~

It was mid August when the Howling Commandos were deployed to fight. Bucky had never been more terrified in his life. He knew what war was like. He saw the videos, read the reports, went through the simulators, but nothing could have prepared him for being in an actual battlefield. None of his team mates mentioned it again, but Bucky actually froze up at one point, nearly got himself killed.

All he could do to make it through each battle was thinking about Steve. Steve wouldn’t be able to make it on his own. Bucky sent all the money he made in the army home to Steve, so he knew he was financially stable, but if he died, the money would stop and he’d pick a fight and get himself killed.

Bucky _couldn’t_ die. If he died, Steve would be helpless. He couldn’t die. He couldn’t.

~~~

It was mid November when the Howling Commandos were captured. Bucky didn’t know how long they had him there, he couldn’t remember much of anything that happened. He remembered people hovering over him, barking at each other in German. He remembered being injected with things, and then his memory would go blank.

Everything was so fuzzy, everything hurt, he felt like he was too big for his body. 

__  
James Buchanan Barnes  
Sergeant of the Howling Commandos  
Serial number 32557  


Everything was so fuzzy. Where was he? He couldn’t remember. What was that noise? Was there someone in the room with him? The thought made him churn with pain. People meant needles, needles meant more chemicals being pumped through his system.

__  
James Buchanan Barnes  
Sergeant of the Howling Commandos  
Serial number 32557  


There was definitely someone standing over him now. He couldn’t tell who, couldn’t see their face… he couldn’t….

Steve?

~~~

It was Winter when Bucky fell from the train. He’d reached as far as he could, strained for Steve’s hand, but ultimately, he was just too far away. The piece broke and Bucky fell. It should have been frightening, Bucky’s life should have flashed before his eyes, but all he could think when he fell was

__  
Thank God it was me.  
Thank God it wasn’t Steve.  
Thank God he can fend for himself now.  
Thank God he’s strong enough.  
Thank God he can survive without me now.  
Thank God it wasn’t Steve.  
Thank God it was me.  


And Bucky fell. He seemed to fall forever, and at the same time, it was a blink of an eye. Bucky hit the snow hard, rolled a few times. His left arm hurt, but he could barely feel it. He felt so numb.

Men came for him at the bottom. They came for him and they took him to only God knows where. It was just like the first time he was captured, they pumped him full of chemicals, they did things to his body, gave him the metal prosthetic arm, and he was tortured. He was tortured physically and mentally.

They forced him to revoke his faith in Steve Rogers. Eventually he did.

They forced him to forget who Steve Rogers was. Eventually, he did.

They forced him to revoke his loyalty to the states. He did.

They brainwashed him, filled his head with lies about Hydra. He was their puppet.

~~~

It was mid Summer when the Winter Soldier was sent after Captain America. This man, this icon was his mission. Hydra’s job was to kill his reputation, his job was to kill the man himself. And he carried out his mission without question, as he always did.

This man was no one to him. No one he killed was anything to him. He was a ghost. He knew no one, he was no one. He did as he was told, and now, he was told to eliminate Captain Steve Grant Rogers.

He never hesitated in any of his missions, but when his mask was torn from his face and Steve called out a single name, he hesitated. He hesitated for only a second.

But he hesitated.

~~~

It was mid September when he and Steve Rogers fought 3,000 feet above the Earth’s surface. He fought with every bit of intensity as he had with any other mission, but Steve was stronger than him.

 _How_ was he stronger than him? No one was stronger than him, he was the Winter Soldier.

But the Captain was, only just. He dislocated his right arm, fractured it along his wrist. It hung limply at his side while he fired with his left. It was useless to him when the helecarrier was being ripped apart and a beam fell on him. He was trapped beneath it, and his mission came to his rescue, pulling it off, holding it up while the Soldier pulled himself away. All he could think was

__  
Who is this man?  
How does he know me?  
No one knows me.  
I am no one.  
I am a weapon.  
Why did he save me?  
Why is he refusing to fight me?  


It didn’t matter though. He had a mission. He did _not_ know this man, he was going to kill him. _That_ was his mission.

And he hesitated. He couldn’t do it. He let Steve fall into the water below, and then he plunged in after him. He pulled him back to the shore, made sure he was breathing, and then he left.

~~~

It was mid November when Bucky began regaining memories. Living on his own was nearly impossible. He felt like a lost child without Hydra. He grew violently ill without the use of the cryo freezer. He fell into horrible withdrawal from whatever Hydra had spent the past 70 years pumping through his veins.

Afterwards, his memories started to return. They were fuzzy, distorted, like trying to recall a dream from his childhood. He had a childhood didn’t he? He couldn’t remember it. All he could remember was being the Soldier. Even then, his memories were often stripped from him after a mission.

Now, he was free to remember them. Now, he was free to remember that mid September when he met a frail little boy with a spitfire mouth. He was free to remember the fear that gripped him every time that boy convulsed with another asthma attack.

He was free to remember holding that frail body in his arms at night, trying desperately to keep him warm.

And he remembered trying desperately not to dwell on how much it hurt to have Steve so close, to be able to touch him and hold him, but not be able to have him the way he wanted him.

The pain felt fresh in his heart now, and the Soldier part of him wished he’d killed Steve when he had the chance.

~~~

It was mid January when he finally sought Steve out. Most of his memories were account for now, as distorted and distant as they were, they were there. Steve was living in some tower built in the middle of downtown New York. He was let into the lobby, and then he had to wait. The person who greeted him was familiar. He’d met her twice before.

He recognized the red hair that framed her face, her intense blue-grey eyes, the unique curve of her lips. She had the type of face that only Hydra interference could make you forget.

He’d tensed on instinct, but she looked at him like she’d been waiting for his arrival. She guided him to the upper levels and left him in a hallway. He knocked on the only door he could find, and was greeted by that boy, that blond boy with the spitfire mouth and firecracker personality.

But he wasn’t skinny and frail anymore. He had broad shoulders and strong arms, muscles that could make a dame faint. If only Lucy could see him now.

If Bucky was crying, Steve didn’t mention it. And it Steve was crying, Bucky didn’t say a word. They embraced and held onto each other like the world depended on it.

~~~

Getting Bucky to speak was the real challenge. They sat together on Steve’s couch for hours, just enjoying each other’s company. Steve spoke, but Bucky was silent. He could get a few words out of Bucky here and there, but mostly he just seemed like he was still uncomfortable about Steve, like it was taking every ounce of self control to keep himself from finishing his mission.

~~~

It was mid February when Bucky finally started talking a bit more. He lived with Steve now, having nowhere else to go. Steve bought him clothes and Bucky shaved his face. Cutting his hair was absolutely not on the table, but he looked presentable nonetheless.

Hell, he looked charming again. He didn’t flash that lady-killin’ smile anymore, but sometimes he let out just the tiniest of grins at Steve. No teeth, no cocky side-turnt head, but it was a smile, a Bucky Barnes smile.

He still didn’t go out much, or at all, but he interacted with the other Avengers a bit more. He was still so quiet though. Tony theorized he was too traumatized, Clint suggested he just felt out of place. Natasha assumed it was out of 70 years of assassin training. You don’t speak as an assassin, you do. Talking gets you killed.

Steve wasn’t sure which thought upset him the most.

~~~

It was mid March when Bucky began opening up finally. It was awkward and off-handed, but he spoke. At night, before bed, Bucky would roll over, facing away from Steve, and mention something from when he worked for Hydra. Sometimes it had been the answer to a question Steve had long forgotten he’d asked, sometimes it was just something Bucky felt needed to be said.

Sometimes they would talk for a long time at night. Something Bucky would say would trigger questions from Steve, and if Steve was lucky, Bucky would answer them.

After a while, Steve was pretty sure he knew everything there was to know, and Bucky stopped mentioning things.

~~~

It was mid September when Bucky finally told Steve the last thing he needed to say. The thing that needed to be said since mid September nearly 100 years ago. Something that Steve never really consciously knew, maybe he didn’t want to know because of the era they were living in, but he knew it in his heart.

And after a while of thinking on it, he realized he felt the same way.

It was mid September, 100 years after meeting, that Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes finally plucked up the courage to ask Captain Steve Grant Rogers out on a date.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr!
> 
> Http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/


End file.
